What Love Is This, My Friend?



 "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul," (I Samuel 18:1).

"I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women," (2 Samuel 1:26).

In the past several sessions we dealt with Eros love.  Today we begin delving into another precious kind of love that God makes available to us through friendships. 

God is not just interested in your loving Him.  He wants you to love others purely and passionately.  Among the saints there is to be a fervent (hot-heated) love that bonds us together (I Pet. 1:22).  Even people fortunate and blessed enough to have a wonderful marriage and sexually fulfilling love life, still need this kind of love to be totally fulfilled.   Everybody needs a friend and the Word of God declares that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother  (Prov. 18:24).

How many friends you have depends on you.  "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly..." (Prov. 18:24a).   If you sow friendship, you will reap friendship.   Many people today are so self-centered that they do not know how to be a good friend.  What distinguishes a person in your life as a true friend?  Maybe some of the qualities listed here come to mind when you think of a friend:

1.    Someone whose personality you like and whom you enjoy spending time and conversing with.  They hold your interest (you find them interesting, not boring).

2.    Someone whose likes to do the things you like to do and you find greater pleasure in doing them together (any activity, hobby, vocation, etc.).

3.     Someone who has gained your confidence and trust and with whom you share details of your life that you would not tell to just anybody.

4.     Someone who shares your sorrows and joys and that you know you can count on in a pinch.  They help you when you need help and vice versa. 

5.     Someone with whom you can be totally honest and even disagree on certain issues without it damaging your relationship.  Someone who sees the good, bad and ugly and loves you just the same even though they are not biologically related to you.

6.    Someone you might not hear from for a long time, but when you do communicate, you can pick up right where you left off.  

7.    Someone whom you believe understands you and accepts you unconditionally, blemishes and all.

Feel free to add to this list anything I may miss about what a friend may mean to you.   A friend is someone who becomes a part of you.  I see certain friends who are so close that they unconsciously begin to pick up one another's mannerisms and verbal expressions.  You know how it is...  you sense it in yourself.  There are times when I will say something and realize that it's not my expression, but one of my friends.   When that happens, it's like I feel them "inside" of me.  That's because they have become a part of my soul.

JONATHAN AND DAVID

What a beautiful love story of a friendship between two men who were not gay, yet shared a love that was, in David's words, "wonderful, passing the love of women."  If you ever thought that sexual intimacy was the greatest love you could seek after, hear the hearts of Jonathan and David.

Jonathan was a brave warrior of Israel who was sensitive to the spirit of God. He trusted God to give him and his armorbearer victory against the Philistines (I Sam. 14:1-23), even though the odds were against them.   Jonathan saw that the young lad, David, was a courageous youth, willing to trust God also and  put his life on the line for God and country. 

After David slew Goliath and was brought before the king, Jonathan's heart was knit to David so much so that he gave David his robe, sword, bow, belt and armour.  Jonathan even knew that,  though he should be the natural heir to the throne after his father, Saul, that David would be king instead.  Nevertheless, there was no jealousy, rivalry, etc.   Consider the following verses of scripture:

"Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.  And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle,"  (I Sam. 18:3-4).

"And Jonathan Saul's son arose, and went to David...and said unto him...thou shalt be

king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee..." (excerpted from I Sam. 23:16-18).

Jonathan is an unsung hero of the O.T.   Truly his ending was tragic in that he died in battle along with his father (2 Sam. 1:4).  Yet, because of their covenant of friendship, king David sought out any descendants of Jonathan to whom he could show love and compassion.  He found Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth, who was lame in both feet.

^6 "Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant!

⁷ And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually.

⁸ And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?" (2 Sam. 9).

The love David had for Jonathan extended to Jonathan's seed.  How many people can your children find favor with and who will  be willing to help them after you're gone, simply because of the friendship that they had with you?  Can you make that kind of covenant?  With a true friend you can.
God has given you the capacity to be a true friend and to experience the love of friends; and you have every right to pursue it in your life!  I pray that you do.

In my life, my husband is also my best friend.  We enjoy each other just as friends.  It's part of what makes our marriage so wonderful.  Obviously, no husband and wife spend all their time in bed together.  They have to have a life and a love beyond just Eros.   The longer we have been married, the more we enjoy one another's company.  It 's amazing to be the age we are now (mid fifties), having been married more than twenty years and to know that the love we shared in our youth has given way to a deeper more meaningful love.  Yes, we still enjoy each other physically from time to time... but not like when we were younger.  And yes, it's just as wonderful.  But, beyond that, there is another love that we share that's even richer and which we can express 24/7.  It's the Phileo love.  He is my friend and I am his.   I think of the pureness of the love of small children before they become sexually expressive.   I feel that kind of love within me and I know it's a gift from God.  Just know that it's in you too, no matter what age you are.

BECOME A FRIEND OF GOD

Jesus is the Son of David.  If David was good to the seed of his friend, how much more will the Son of God watch over, protect and provide for the children of His "friends".   

How can you become God's friend?  How can you know that He considers you, not just a born-again believer, but His friend?  Here's what Jesus said to His disciples:

"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you," (John 15:15).

Shabba!  Excuse me.  "Shabba" is a word I shout when I get excited!  To think that we can be friends of God.  Has He not revealed to us the things He has heard of the Father?  Does His Word not say that in the last days He will pour out of His Spirit upon all flesh and that your sons and daughters shall prophesy?  What is that?  That's God revealing His Word to you; not keeping it a secret; not treating you like a servant, but rather, like a son; and like a friend. 

In the Messianic prophecy of Psalm 41:9, Judas was looked upon as a familiar friend who turned against Jesus by betraying Him to His enemies.  Sometimes friendships turn sour.  Not all human friendships last; we know that.   You're not responsible for the actions of others; only your own.  We know that in prophecy of the last days warns us that because iniquity will abound, the love of many will wax cold.  I would say to you, beloved, guard your heart!   In spite of what others do, you continue to forgive, show mercy, do good to them that despitefully use you and persecute you; bless those who curse you and who turn their backs on you.  Don't be gripped by bitterness, resentment, anger, hatred or any other spiritual attitude from the kingdom of darkness.  Don't be afraid to love again.  Trust me.  I know.  I've been there many times and have felt such woundedness of heart that I wondered if I could recover.  Nevertheless, I have found that love is stronger than death and that God is my Helper and enabler.  To God be the glory.  The apostle Paul experienced it from the very churches he founded, saying in 2 Corinthians 12:15, "And I will very gladly spend and be spend for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved."

I will not set up false expectations about the consequences of loving the way God calls you to love.  There will be disappointments.  There will be pain.  There will be betrayals and misunderstandings and breaches in relationships, etc.   Divorces will continue.   But's that's only one side of the coin, as it were.   God gives us great grace and shows us more of Himself as we stand through these tests that bleed our hearts and try our faith.  Don't give up on God and don't give up on love. 

"Building the Kingdom by Building People"



What Love Is This? Eros (cont.)

 ^{"  2} And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. ³ And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? ⁴ And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. ⁵ And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. ⁶ But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  ⁷ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; ⁸ And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  ⁹ What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put sunder,"  (Mark 10).

We must keep in mind that when we are referring to Eros love, we are not equating it with sex, but it does accommodate a physical relationship.   Eros, as God intends it to be, is a spiritual love that can be physically expressed between a man and his wife, that bonds them and makes them one.   When Eros is out of order, people engage in sex without love, only lust... and it doesn't last.

God ordained eros.  He made a man, Adam, took the "womb-man" or woman out of the "male man" and then brought him back together with himself, and called their name "Adam" (Gen. 5:2).  God never intended for a man to be alone, or to be with another man.   Yes, there are some men who have been born eunuchs (no libido or sexual desire),  others who were made eunuchs by men and still others who have made themselves eunuchs "for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Mt. 19:12).  There are also those who may not be eunuchs, but who have remained virgins in spite of any physical desires (e.g., Rev. 14:4).  If that's your gift and you have the grace, like the Apostle Paul, to live single, then you don't need to read any further.  But if you've struggled and want to look deeper into this kind of love, then keep reading.

IT MATTERS WHO YOU MARRY!

We started sharing last week how that, even though God hates divorce, there were times when He permitted it and even required it [Ezra 10].  The above scripture reference in Mark 10 declares that He allowed it among His chosen people because of the hardness of men's hearts.  In the book of Malachi [2:11-15] we discovered that God wanted godly marriages because He was after a godly seed.   God is so concerned about the seed, that He blesses and considers "holy" the seed that comes from a marriage in which only one partner is saved:  "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy," (I Cor. 7:14).  

Look what happened during the time of Ezra and Nehemiah.

"In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab:  And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews language..." (Neh. 13:23,24).

Mothers tend to be the ones who spend the most time with their babies.  These Jews men had married foreign wives who served other gods and spoke other languages.  These women taught their children, not about Jehovah-God or His ways, but the language and customs from their own culture.   Read all of Nehemiah 13.  The evil was great in the sight of God.  Even the son of the high priest had married the daughter of Sanballat!  Remember him?  Read about him in Nehemiah 2.  He hated the Jews and was grieved when he learned that there was someone seeking their welfare.  He and Tobiah and others laughed the Jews to scorn.  They were enemies of the Jews.  Now, there are Jewish men marrying their daughters...sleeping with the enemy!   And before they could get right with God, not only did they have to divorce these women, but send away this ungodly seed.

It matters who you marry.  Whenever you have lain with a person, it's a physical union and type of marriage, even if it's not "legally licensed", because it results in a soul tie...a joining together and becoming one.  That's why the Word of God warns us

"Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ?  shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot?  God forbid.  What?  know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body?  for two, saith he, shall be one flesh," (I Cor. 6:15,16).

A man who lays with a harlot is not laying with his "wife", but with a woman to whom he is not married; nevertheless, the Word says that they have become "one flesh"... the same terminology used of a husband and wife.  However, such an illicit relationship will hinder your walk with God and can cause you to lose your inheritance in the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9).  Repent!  Change your heart, your mind and your ways and return to the Lord, and He will have mercy upon you and restore your soul.  

It has been said of a believer that, if you marry an unbeliever, you'll have the devil for a father-in-law.  People don't simply marry flesh; they marry a soul and a spirit.  It matters who you marry because what is in the seed is passed down.  Certainly we are all born in sin and shaped in iniquity and have the ability to repent and be transformed.  Nevertheless, women often make the mistake of marrying a man that's not saved,  thinking that after they marry, she'll be able to "change him".   There is a deceptive spirit that vulnerable men and women fall prey to when they think they're "in love".    Read Proverbs.  Even great men, strong and mighty, have been brought low by a piece of flesh.    One of my "heroes of the faith", the great healing evangelist Kathryn Kuhlman, found herself at the altar, marrying a man who had left his wife for her.  Many of her friends had tried to warn her that this relationship was not of God, but she would not listen.   As soon as the marriage ceremony was completed, the spirit that had blinded her lifted and she ran out of the church screaming, "What have I done?!"  Of course, the marriage ended in divorce and her ministry was crippled for a season; but God in His great mercy restored.  

AMNON AND TAMAR - Please read all of 2 Samuel 13

One of the most tragic stories regarding eros gone awry takes place with King David's seed. 

"And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin... (vs. 2).
"And Amon said... I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister."  (vs. 4).

To make a long story short, Amnon mistakes lust for love and he ends up raping his half-sister, after which he "hated her exceedingly; so that "the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her" (vs. 15).

Tamar was willing to become Amnon's wife.  She pleaded with him to ask the king for her hand.  That would have been the right thing to do.  If he truly "loved" her, he did not have to "force" her.  He was listening to his hormones, not her heart.   The consequences?  She lives out her days in shame in her brother Absalom's house.  Absalom plots revenge and eventually kills Amnon for what he did to his sister. Was it worth it?!  

In the past year, I have witnessed a deceptive spirit rearing its ugly head once again among Christian marriages... even among so-called leaders in the Body of Christ.   Many lonely women/men of God are being deceived.  Men/women  "of God" who are gifted, talented, good-looking, charismatic, smooth talkers, smelling good and seem sincere, are leading these poor souls to the altar and within just a few short weeks or months, they are ready to divorce.  Nevertheless, they truly believed that they had "heard from God" concerning marrying this individual.  I've noticed a pattern in every case.  If you find yourself or someone you know caught up in this pattern, warn them!

1.   It's always believed to be of God, sometimes with a "sign" or "confirmation" accompanying it.
2.   It always refuses to listen to godly counsel.
3.   It ALWAYS has to happen in a hurry!  It's extremely impatient.
4.   It will refuse to tell significant others in the person's life until after the marriage has taken place, leaving people who know and love them in utter shock and disbelief.
5.   Like Amnon, the "love" can quickly turn to hate, disdain, etc.
6.   Within a short amount of time (less than a year) at least one of the partners leave or is seriously contemplating divorce.
7.   The confession changes.  They no longer say or believe that this was truly of God.  There is a spirit of confusion.

When this scenario is repeated over and over and over again, you know the demonic realm is involved.  As believers, we are to follow the will of God, not the will of our flesh, and certainly not the will of Satan.

 "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:  That every one of you should possess his vessel in sanctification and honor," (I Thess. 4:3,4).

JACOB AND RACHEL - Eros CAN Wait

"And Jacob loved Rachel and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel... (Gen. 29:18).
"And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.  And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her," (Gen. 29:20,21).

What kind of love is this!  Jacob obviously had not touched Rachel for seven years, even though he loved her and wanted her.  So, it is possible, men!  Something more than lust was in his heart.  Lust is selfish and impatient.  But he was willing to earn her.   He wasn't coming to her empty-handed.  And women, don't be in such a hurry to latch on to a man: give him time to prove himself.  True love isn't in a hurry.  Give it time.  Please, give it time.

When you read further into Genesis Chapter 29, you see that Laban tricked Jacob and gave him Leah instead.  After Jacob fulfilled Leah's week, he was given Rachel and he worked another seven years for her.

JOSEPH AND MARY - Eros WILL Wait

"Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife.  And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS," (Mt. 1:24,25).

Jacob didn't get to marry Rachel for seven years; and so he didn't touch her.  But Mary was Joseph's wife, and still, he didn't touch her until after she gave birth to Jesus.  She did not remain a virgin, but had other children:

"Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, and Simon?  and are not his sisters here with us?  And they were offended at him," (Mark 6:3).

Joseph and Mary had children;  Jesus had siblings.  He was born of a virgin and He himself remained a virgin, although He is espoused or engaged.

JESUS AND HIS BRIDE - Spiritual Fulfillment of Eros

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church," (Eph. 5:31-32).

"For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ," (2 Cor. 11:2).

Don't just be Christ's virgin; be a chaste virgin.   When you live "chaste", you're not doing anything that could lead to a sexual encounter; you're not "playing with fire".  You remain morally pure in thought and conduct.  I give four words to my teenage children to help them in this:  Stay public. Stay standing.

Eros is meant to be a beautiful love that lasts a lifetime.  Don't make it cheap or dirty.  Let it grow with the other loves that God gives:  storge, phileo and agape.   Refuse to believe that it can't happen for you.  We're here to pray for you and encourage you to be fulfilled God's way.

Eros alone won't fulfill you.  We'll share next week about another love God has prepared for you.